Real tech stories. Really shaky analysis.
October–a time of cider, pumpkins, and bogus tech analysis.
For the week of September 28 – October 2, 2015
I’m Going Viral
Sony is releasing an update for the PS4 which includes the ability to send 10 second gameplay clips to Twitter, which couldn’t be a better idea, because I was just saying how my social media experience would be enhanced if only my Twitter feed was filled with video of my nephews making me look like an idiot in NBA 2K15.
I’d Like To Say It Only Happened Once
And hey, more good news, Twitter is apparently working on ways to expand the 140-character limit on tweets, so my brother-in-law’s kids can publish a veritable treatise accompanying the gameplay clips, explaining how I hit myself in the face with my controller trying to execute a simple crossover dribble.
How About I Just Keep Some Febreeze In The Glove Compartment?
Tesla introduced the Model X SUV, a $132,000 all-wheel drive vehicle that can go zero-to-sixty in 3.8 seconds, has a range of 250 miles, reaches a top speed of 155mph, and includes, as a standard feature, whereas I’m pretty sure it is only available with the heated leather seats in the luxury upgrade package from most manufacturers, a BIO-WEAPON DEFENSE MODE!
Presumably, the button that activates the super-duper HEPA filter (probably even more powerful than the one my neighbors won’t shut up about in their fancy vacuum cleaner) is supposed to provide peace of mind in instances when you’ll have forewarning that a biological weapon attack is imminent, like, you know, those times when a truck labeled ANTHRAX is in front of you on the freeway and the back doors open and a couple guys in hazmat suits start throwing shovelfuls of powder at your car.
I think I’ll pass.* I’m pretty sure I’d get more peace of mind by not seeing that sinister quad-circled bio-hazard symbol light up for a couple seconds along with the “check engine” and “tire pressure” lights every time I start the car. (“Man, have I been looking forward to this vacation. C’mon, babe, time to hit the road for a week of sun-drenched relaxation. Myrtle Beach, here we [starts car] oh, yeah, I hope we don’t get doused with mustard gas.”)
The Dark Side Of Twitter
Edward Snowden, leaker of National Security Agency documents and current fugitive resident of Russia, is now on Twitter. His first tweet–“Can you hear me now?”–was innocuous enough, but he then put stunned government officials on alert worldwide, wondering what bizarre and unbalanced move he might make next, when he followed up by live-tweeting Dancing With The Stars.
Ladder Sold Separately
Google’s new tablet, the Pixel C, has an optional magnetic bluetooth keyboard, making it ridiculously easy to convert from tablet to laptop when you need to do something typing-intensive. Unless you’re in college. In that case, prior to clicking the keyboard and tablet together, you have the one additional step of walking over to the phys-ed fieldhouse and retrieving the magnetic keyboard from the rim of the retractable auxiliary basketball hoop where your moron friends keep putting it.
Why? Because It’s There
Google is producing a new Chromecast, this model available in a variety of colors. A colorful object plugged into the back of TVs, where we’ll never see it, combined with the new flexible HDMI cable, was obviously designed for the lucrative market consisting of our cat, who’s always looking for new incentives to jump up and drive us crazy by trying to scale the back of the TV. I’m sure she’d find a bright red, round Chromecast to be thirty-five dollars well-spent as an enticing new foothold on her personal indoor rock wall.
Friendly Fire
Logitech is coming out with a new mechanical gaming keyboard which you can customize by assigning different colored lights to individual keys. You press a key and it lights for a second. I’m not sure how much enjoyment I’ll get from the lighting effect, as my attention tends to be on the screen during games, but I do anticipate countless moments of reaching a critical juncture in a game, initiating a precise, choreographed move of split-second timing between mouse clicks and keystrokes–a move I’d always had trouble executing with my old, standard keyboard–and feeling with certainty that, this time, our cat has enthusiastically launched herself onto the desk and attacked the colorfully flickering, rhythmically clicking keyboard (this and the Chromecast thing? what is this, Christmas?), and, by extension, my left hand, causing my character to drop a grenade at his feet and frag himself.
* This implies that I have the option of buying a $132,000 car. See–this blog can be funny.
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Weekly Tech views Blog by Mike Range is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International License.
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